


easy to be brave ( when the road's already paved )

by fiveroundsrapid



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, Oneshot, was i inspired by the latest casualty?, yes - Freeform, yes i was
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-16 03:33:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11245464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveroundsrapid/pseuds/fiveroundsrapid
Summary: AU: It's Elinor's funeral and Bernie is just wanting to support her best friend, Serena. But when Edward turns up drunk, he shouts at Bernie. And Bernie's love for Serena finally comes to light. Inspired by a scene in the latest Casualty episode.





	easy to be brave ( when the road's already paved )

It was the day of Elinor's funeral. The day was dry, yet overcast. AAU was a well-oiled machine- Bernie was taking over AAU whilst Serena was off, grieving. She sat at her desk, mulling over half-finished paperwork, before her eyes were drawn to the garment bag that was up on the coat rack. It contained her dress; she had pulled a double shift, and so needed to bring the outfit with her; she'd get changed afterward. It was only a plain little black dress and heels, and she would wear her coat and scarf over it anyway.

Bernie just wanted to look like she made an effort. Give Serena something less to worry about than if she turned up with rumpled clothing, tired eyes and checking her pager every five minutes. Her friend was frayed at the edges, heart in two and in pain Bernie to be at arm's length; all she wants to do is help, but there is a hesitancy on her part. She doesn't know how to comfort very well, let alone comfort Serena. Bernie wouldn't have been able to bear it if she got it wrong. 

So, she keeps her distance. Does everything for Serena, except push her. Bernie stays on the ward, the day after Elinor has died, and all the days after. She looks after the troops- the mismatched family that Serena created, that she herself had joined. Keeps everything running smoothly whilst her co-lead is down. She'll answer Jason's questions, make sure he is cared for on the ward, explains to him why Auntie Serena has kept away. Bernie will take the flowers that make their office look like a florists. She won't send them on, knows Serena has enough of that already. Make way for all the paperwork that she will slave on, through the shifts, in between the rings of the red phone. She does it all without complaint, and without a second thought because AAU is something she can take care of. 

It also didn't help that Cameron's words had yet to leave her. It had been months that Bernie had spent overanalyzing her feelings, and the way she viewed her best friend, and come to the rather dismal and petrifying conclusion that she was in love with her. Ukraine had been the crux point; the climax, the point of no turning back. The work had been fascinating, challenging and wonderful. But she'd spent her nights missing Holby, and more specifically... Serena. A 2 hour time difference should not have been so debilitating. She'd started to screw up, and overwork her emails. The blur between professional and... more. Texting was a wiser choice. But hearing her voice was better.  
And then she'd come back and they'd celebrated, and Serena had told her about a fling with Robbie (now over), and she'd just smiled and nodded as the thought shoved a knife in her gut. But she wouldn't make a move. Bernie didn't want to hurt Serena, or jeopardize what they had. It was the best friendship Bernie had ever had. How could she destroy that? The timing was never right. And she was never brave enough.

"Boss?" Fletch is at the office door, and Bernie is startled, away from her thoughts. She looked towards him, leaning against the door frame. "You're gonna be late at this rate." Bernie looked at the clock and swore. The funeral was in an hour. 

"Thanks, Fletch. Everything alright on the front lines?" Bernie asked, rising from the chair, tugging her messy hair out of the bobble she'd put it in, and shaking it free, grabbing her coat and bag, and the garment bag.

"She's tiding over nicely, Major. Don't worry about us. We'll be fine." Fletch put his hands on his hips, and gave a smile. Dependable Fletch. Bernie shot him a grateful smile, switching off her computer monitor. 

"I should be back in a couple of hours for that elective, and if there's an emergency then Raf said he can fill in, hopefully, and if not, then ask Mo. Mr Griffin will be at Elinor's funeral with myself and everyone." Bernie told him, quickly, leaving her office at a pace and letting the Head Nurse follow.

"We've got it, boss. You just... just give Elinor aa good send off, yeah?" Bernie stopped and they faced each other. She allowed her features to go slack, betray some of the weariness that she was feeling. They were all feeling it. AAU was a desolate and grey place with the events of Elinor's death. 

"Will do." She replied, in a soft, slightly hushed voice. She headed off then, leaving them all to it. Dipping into the locker room, she got changed quickly, and tried to do something with her hair. It was still relatively curly, despite 10 hours in a ponytail. Bernie gave the temperamental blonde locks a brush, zipped on her dress, changed from her trainers to a pair of low heels and applied a bit of light lipstick. Make an effort. Don't stress Serena. She had enough on her plate. 

Bernie grabbed her phone from her bag as she pulled on her coat, and fired off a quick text to Serena:

_Do you want me to pick you up? -B_

She waited hesitantly, before the phone buzzed with a reply. Bernie let out a breath as she read the word. Her shoulders slumped. 

_No. -S_

_I'll meet you at the church, then. The rest of the troops are holding the fort. -B_

No reply to that. Bernie hadn't expected one. She pocketed her phone and toyed with the idea of a cigarette. But she hadn't got time. Leaving the locker room, she left the ward, just managing to catch Morven, and give her a quick smile and nod. No need for chatter. Morven understood. The staff on AAU, who were on shift, were doing their own memorial later, in the staff room. A small tribute to Elinor. Bernie couldn't remember what it was. She was too busy and it hadn't concerned her, but Jasmine and Morven had taken care of it.

She stopped off at a gas station, bought some flowers. Toyed over what to get, whether anything at all. It was all pointless, and she didn't know if it would be welcomed. The funeral had been arranged as much with Edward and Liberty as it had with Serena. Bernie ended up just buying a single white rose. She took a moment. Breathed. Truth be told, she had attended too many funerals. Military funerals of men and women she had known, men and women she hadn't been able to save. Men and women she should have been able too, if only there had been enough time or enough supplies or enough... anything. Bernie was no stranger to death. You couldn't be, in this line of work. But it still hit hard. Always.

Elinor had been so young, and vibrant. Reminded her of Charlotte, especially when mother nad daughter had butted heads. She'd enjoyed Elinor's company. Her wit matching her mother's, and her looks. But she'd read the autopsy. Knew that Edward's addictive personality had wormed its way in as well. Bernie was behind the wheel of her car, still parked in the gas station, breathing in and out. Why was she always at the funerals of the young? First Arthur, now Elinor. Always so young.  
Bernie shook herself out of it, checked the clock, and drove. 

The church itself was a modest little thing, nestled in the middle of Holby, with wide green lawns and punctured with gravestones, jutting out of the grass like aberrations. Each one a different size and shape. The little gate was at the entrance to the path, with a little roof. It was the same one that Arthur had been buried in. Cars lined the roads. No one at the entrance. 

"Christ," Bernie muttered under her breath, parking up. She must be late. Everyone would be inside, Serena would feel abandoned. She jumps out the car, almost trips because of her long legs, and slams the door shut, locking it, quickly. Her satchel is on her shoulder, white rose in hand. She strides up the path, up the lawn towards the entrance to the church. And then stops. Serena was there, in a black blouse and trousers, wrapped up in a coat. She looks weathered, withered and utterly restless. Bernie was struck by panic. Was she waiting for her? "Serena?"

That snapped Serena out of her gaze. Serena had not been looking at Bernie, but rather past her. It was as if, only now, she had just noticed Bernie had arrived. Bernie stood awkward, adjusted the strap of her bag.

"Edward isn't here yet." Serena let out in a shaky voice. She was quiet, unbearably so for one usually so vocal and exuberant.

"What? Where's Liberty?" Bernie asked, shocked.

"Inside." Serena swallowed, thickly. "Keeps telling me not to worry." There's bite in that particular sentence, and had it been any other occasion, Bernie would have joined her in that view; Liberty was being idiotic. Even for an embryo.

"You called him?"

"Voicemail." Tears welled up in Serena and she furiously bit her lip, blinking them away. "He should be here. For El- it's her funeral for Christ's sake!" Venom boils out and Bernie walks forward, can't stand idle so she reaches out a comforting hand to Serena, steadies it on the crook of her elbow. 

"He'll come. He'll come, or bugger him." Bernie offers, quietly. The two women look out onto the streets of Holby, everything quiet. Everything drab. It really was a crap day.

"Come on. We can wait near the gate." Serena just nods, allows her friend to lead her down the path. Bernie sends a quick text to Ric, so that he was aware and can keep everyone in the church. Serena ends up making it there first; desperation quickening her footsteps. "Anything?"

"Hang on-" Bernie craned her neck and saw a cab coming up the road. She breathed a sigh of relief as it stopped. Both women stepped off of the curb to check it was Edward. And it was, holding a crumpled speech and a half-drunk bottle of whiskey. He stumbled as he got out of the cab.

"He isn't-" Serena whispered, feeling sick.

"Looks like it." Bernie nodded, jaw set. Edward was drunk, and so Bernie was the first to move. She paid the cabbie and then caught Edward as he nearly swerved into her. He was unsteady, and stunk, his tie half tied and his suit rumpled. Edward batted Bernie off and leant against the small stone wall. 

"We need to sober him up," Serena muttered. Her hand had gone to her necklace, her face drawn and pale. Bernie nodded and headed over to the man, who was quite tall, and heavy set. Bernie had met him only a handful of times, all since Elinor's death. But she had him sussed, helped mostly by Serena's tales of woe on her first marriage. 

"Come on, Edward." Bernie patted him on the back. No time for sympathy, and even if she had buckets of the stuff, she wouldn't waste any of Edward the drunk. Edward the parent, yes. To lose a child is unimaginable, but drunk Edward? She was pulling no punches. "Right, you know the drill. I want you to vomit." 

"Lay off. You don't have any right." He slurred at her, trying again, to feebly bat her off. He was already retching however, bent over double. Serena made a start towards her ex-husband.

"How could you..." She cried out. Bernie put her hand out, effectively telling her to stay put. Bernie would deal with this.

"Serena." She nodded, conveying the message. They had plenty of time and now was not a good moment to rant to Edward on his drinking habits. She turned stern when facing the man. Raised her brows, almost daring him to disobey her. Edward shrugged and stuck his fingers down his throat, retching. He threw up. "And again," Bernie ordered. He did. " _Again_."

Edward did, and then straightened up, sending glares at Bernie. She didn't care less. What she cared about was making sure that Elinor had both her parents sending her off. Bernie wasn't religious, or necessarily believed in a hereafter. The funeral was for the living. And both parents needed to say goodbye. It was closure. Edward spat out a gob of spit. Bernie curbed her temper.

"Edward, you need to go inside." Bernie reasoned, gesticulating with her hands. "We all do. We need to go inside that church," She pointed as she spoke "-and give Elinor a proper send off."

"I don't want to." He replied.

"Edward!" burst out Serena.

"But you need to. You need to stand next to your wife and say goodbye, or you'll just regret it." Bernie continued in a much softer voice, empathizing with this broken-looking man. But she was firm, every inch the Major Wolfe that had terrified young medics more than the Taliban. 

"And who asked you anyway?" 

"Edward Campbell, I am perfectly willing to drag you up there myself but this is a goddamn funeral and we are here with the mother of your child. You are all grieving, and I get that, but you need to man up and sort yourself out. We all have to do things we don't want to. Man up!"

"Man up? Coming from you? That's rich, you telling me to man up!" Edward barked out vile laughter and pointed a fat finger at Bernie. Bernie's jaw locked at the confrontation, Serena watching all the while. "You think I don't know? Ellie on the phone to me telling me about her mother's little lesbo bestie. And then I come here, and I see it all. Everyone fucking sees it apart from her."

"I don't kn-" Bernie tried, but Edward cut across her.

"Making eyes across the room. Everyone knows about how you feel about Serena, so don't come in here, into something that doesn't concern you, just because you want to get into her pants! It was my daughter!" Bernie let out a little gasp. How she felt about Serena. Bernie risked a glance at the beautiful, tremendous woman to her right. Serena had gone stock still. Bernie felt cold. But Edward wasn't done, his voice still slurred, and angry and vengeful. "You're pathetic. You're going to wind up a dried up, bitter old cow."

Bernie swallowed. Licked her lips, which were suddenly dry. Edward gave up, to bend over and heave again, but he'd be fine. Bernie stepped away, onto the curb and facing away from the church, looking towards her car. An escape route. She'd messed it all up. On the day of Serena's daughter's funeral, she'd messed it all up, become too involved. She tried to stop herself from crying. Her arms wrapped around herself. Her eyes shut, willing herself to be anywhere else.

"Bernie?" Serena's tentative voice rang out. The declaration by Edward, the deduction he had made had come as a complete shock and surprise to Serena. She watched her friend turn away, step away from her and been driven by hurt. Edward was still a mess. But Bernie's figure had tensed up. Serena thought to reach out a hand...

"It's..." Bernie turned around, and her words stumbled, as she was taken aback by Serena's proximity. She averted her eyes, not making eye contact with Serena. Gave a small, unconvincing smile that soon went away again. She would not be coming into the church. It was for the best. "It's alright, Serena. Take him inside. Here." She swallowed thickly before handing Serena the white rose. Serena took it, almost in shock, looking stupidly down at it, then back at Bernie, realising slowly what she was going to do. Bernie looked away, clicking her tongue before continuing in a shaky voice. "I'll head back to the ward. I... you should send Elinor off well. It's fine."

"But I-" Serena tried, but Bernie waved her off, and then all but ran for the hills. Leaving Serena and Edward to mourn. It's only when she's in her car, halfway back to the hospital that what has happened fully sinks in.

_Shit_.

Bernie was sat on the small sofa in her flat, nursing a glass of white wine. Not Shiraz. She had Serena on her mind enough already. The scene outside the church... Bernie was kicking herself. She could have just brushed it off, said that Edward was being ridiculous or make some joke about how wasted her really was. Or just tell Serena plain where she stood. Or just pretend that she didn't see Serena in  _that way._ Hadn't fantasized her in  _that way._ Bernie should have just lied. Instead, she'd frozen like an idiot, blushed like the guilty and then run off, leaving Serena in a horrible position. Berenice Wolfe had truly mucked it up this time. She wouldn't blame Serena if she didn't want to co-lead AAU. In fact, she'd go with her tail between her legs, away from the team and the trauma bay. All Serena would have to do would be to say the word. 

Even a busy shift couldn't lodge the picture of Serena, shell-shocked after Edward's drunken slurs, from her mind. They'd had a major RTC as soon as Bernie had got back to the ward, so she'd been in theatre for the last few hours, trying to save the life of a young lad. She'd saved the boy. Managed to get him onto the ward. He'd be coming around from the anesthetic anytime now. But they'd lost the leg. So he'd be waking to a broken heart. Bernie empathized. She took a long gulp of the white wine. 

Suddenly, she heard a knock at her door. She got up, running a hand through her hair, and tugging on her Holby hoody. Bloody salespeople. They'd press all apartment buttons till someone buzzed then in. Bernie reached the door, and opened it.  _Oh._ It wasn't a salesperson.

It was Serena.

"Serena?" Berna said, bewildered. She didn't look like she'd been home; she was still wearing her black clothes. Her hair was a little messed from the breeze outside and her cheeks were tinged pink from the stairs. Had she run up here? 

"Bernie, I-" Serena started, stepping forwards. Bernie looked away. She didn't want to lose her best friend, thought that if there wasn't any eye contact, she wouldn't see the hate or pain or betrayal on Serena's beautiful features. Couldn't stand the idea of being so lonely.

"Listen-" Bernie started to explain herself but before she new it she had lips on hers, silencing her. Soft lips, tentative and surprising as Serena kissed her.  _Serena was kissing her._ Bernie cupped her face with her hand, responding to the kiss. It was electric between them. Serena pulled away, staring at Bernie like she was something completely new. Both women were breathing hard; chests rising and falling. Time stopped.

Then they crashed together again, gripping hard at one another, trying to get closer and closer. Teeth clashed, tongues battled on Bernie's doorstep as Bernie drew Serena closer, never letting her go.

 

 

 

 


End file.
